Alright, I’ve had it with Heroes. And it’s not just because week after week I’ve watched characters abandon their key defining traits, followed aimless story lines that circle back and repeat and been introduced to villains with lame powers like the ability to suck a stack of magazines into a black hole. Frankly, it’s just that I don’t care anymore. Simple as that.

I haven’t watched the show for the past few weeks (a trend that seems to be widespread)—though last night I’d planned on giving Heroes one last, final, slim-chance shot. However, due to a Lost marathon on Sci-Fi (more specifically, the episode where we find out about Mr. Eko’s past) I once again passed on the opportunity to groan over Peter Petrelli’s pained grimace and Claire’s awkward gymnast shoulders. So thank gawd for streaming episodes on NBC.com (and not having much work to do at the office today). What follows are my many questions after watching this episode. As you’ll see, I don’t understand a damn thing about Heroes anymore. This show sucks. Enjoy.

• Why is Mohinder still alive?

• Why was Mohinder’s father the worst scientist in the world?

• How can I get some of that “spirit walk” gunk?

• Isn’t Ando dead? (OK, so our resident TV buff Ethan just explained this one to me… How stupid is that?)

• Is “I’d shave my wrists” an expression?

• Who stole Malcolm McDowell’s acting ability?

• How many episodes has Eric Roberts been on?

• Does understanding how to fix a watch make you a psychopath? (If so, I’m fine with my Swiss Army staying broken.)

• Asbestos-lined cell? Seriously?

• Who cares about Claire’s real mom?

• If your hand is metal, does it really hurt when it’s heated by a flame?

• How effective are handcuffs on a man whose hands can expand and transform into metal fists?

• Wasn’t the whole point of Elle’s character that she was too young and naive to do actual field work? Now she’s been trained for field work since she was four years old? What?

• Alright, Angela, you know what your husband’s power is, and you know what your power is. So why would you bother grabbing a knife to defend yourself?

• Where’s Parkman? (Not that I really care.)

• Linderman makes pot pies?

• Did Linderman and Angela ever bump uglies? Sensing sexual tension.

• Remember when Linderman got punched in the brain? That was awesome.

• So if Claire’s real mom knew that she was alive, why did she have such a passive interest in Claire when she was first introduced?

• Let’s think back: Didn’t it seem like Claire’s real mom had been living in her trailer park for quite a while when she met Claire in Season 1? Now we’re supposed to believe that she’d only established herself there for like a week or so after working as an agent? Come on!

• Why is EVERYONE cooking?

• Doesn’t Gabriel basically already have this goth dude’s power?

• Why do any of these flashbacks actually matter to the current story arc?

• Why did Peter ever get rid of his emo hair?