Ok. I concede it is January 1 2009 and therefore a little tardy to reflect on the year but I figure I got til Christmas trees have to come down…

Super unsurprising news #6.

When: September, 2008. MTV’s VMAs.

What: Too many folks were feeding on the Britney Celebrity Industrial Complex teat to let her stay gone and dead. After the housing sect and financial world collapsed, we needed something to fill the void. It’s basically the exact same thing as right after the Cold World when the USSR died and everyone was worried about a mondo power vacuum the likes of which the Dyson guy would wet himself over. In this analogy Britney circa nonederpants is communist Russia. Putin’s scary and handsome in a killer way so I’ll leave it at that.

Rant: There is no rant. I firmly believe a Britney comback is too damn good for morale not to support. Kenyatta will back me on this. Even if Celebritney 2.0 is a glassy-eyed monster who’s photoshopped in Glamour magazine shoots to the point where she looks like a anonymous actress in an HPV vaccine advertisement. On that note, that Womanizer song is CONTAGIOUS I tells ya.

Lesson: We can’t just Michael Jackson all the famous people. We have to relent occasionally and pretend that the crazy lady with the hair plugs who talks like she stomped out of the swamp eating on a baby alligator is beautiful and sings like how waterfalls look when the sun shines on them. We need them because the economy needs them. There have to be at least Japanese marketing campaigns in her future. Our GNP demands it.