Despite not having had the foresight to name my previous post of geniously didactic micromusings #8 in the headlines, please be informed that I will be counting down. It also occurs to me that my column slightly mimics Shahendra’s blog except that MINE IS WAY COOLER.
Super unsurprising news #7.
When: All freakin’ year long, like every single pico-second of every d-bag day.
What: The unassailable power of Kanye West.
Cause, um, im trying to make it to Uranus
Rant: I am not a Kanye fan. In this I am a minority. Whenever he raps I feel like I am getting incrementally retardeder. Big words go flying out of my head as if they’d never lived there. In May of 2008, he was dubbed the Hottest MC in the Game by the venerable institution MTV.
My brain can’t deal. I reason with it because it’s cozy with self-congratulatory bonhomie on the bandwagon and lonely where I sit but telling myself he’s awesome is like explaining the color taupe to a blind person who is also deaf [tap, hand squeeze, taaaap tapity, hand squeeze, tap tap].
Harder than it looks (if she could see).
Lesson: Kanye West is like the Nothing in the Neverending story and Fantastica is the creative world that withers and dies when his long shadow is cast upon it like he invented everything. Murakami existed before him. So did Dries Van Noten and Auto Tune and BoingBoing and hypebeast and Scandinavian chairs and Japanese people and music and naked models and art and thought.
KW is like beetlejuice. Let’s never invoke his name and see if he goes back into the township diorama in Gina Davis’s attic. Please.
Related: The Year in Super Unsurprising News: 9 of 09. #1: Rapper so tremendously popular that Cardinal Points renamed in his honor. North, South, East, Kanye. No-name writer for qa.qa.giantmag.com’s head hurts.
Can't complain what the accident did to my left eye. Cause look at what the accident did to Left Eye!
