Every movie villain is plagued by the same problem—no mobility. You’ll see Michael Myers and Jason waltzing ever so slowly after their prey, who always eventually scampers away into survival and another under-written, not-even-remotely scary sequel.

Action movies will eventually employ the same tactics to ensure another money-spinning franchise entry — like Terminator Salvation.

The film, out today, takes place in the year 2018. Robot factory Skynet makes nuclear fuel cells, flying spaceships, and other Blade Runner-ripoff type shit. They even managed to one-up themselves in robot R&D—seductress robots are so 2003 — crafting a titanium killing machine with a beating heart. John Conner’s fucked.

Or so we think.

Don’t wanna give too much away but let’s just say Christian Bale is doing a Terminator 5. Why? Because he outpower-walked the super villain robot plagued by lug-nut-induced lethargy.

I have a simple solution for Skynet—and any Hollywood B-movie writer clinging to the visions of a slasher revival.

That guy. Robotize him. Or just give him a knife or gun—and let him run wild. At least it’ll be interesting.

-Devin Chanda