With Spring Break over, I dragged myself back to class—only to hear my professor bring up the word “finals.”

Bitch, please. I just did m’damn midterms.

Now, I’m sure most college cats will be receiving similar bitchslaps in the next week or so if they haven’t already. The only escapees will probably be those athletically inclined individuals running up and down various hardwood courts in the NCAAs. Lucky ass bastards.

Well, for now at least.

You see, we all know the types of free passes in classes these student-athletes get, and it’s def understandable in certain cases (Oklahoma’s Blake Griffin, Ty Lawson). But seriously, how many of these cats are gonna make it to the NBA? There are two rounds in the NBA draft and only the dudes picked in the first are guaranteed contracts.

In football, there are seven rounds of a two-day (overly) long draft, and some dudes picked in the 7th round have amounted to something like, say, Tom Brady. In basketball, the only notable second round draft pick with a career worth mentioning is Gilbert Arenas—and he’s more famous for running his mouth than winning championships.

The problem is the NCAA tourney rolls around too damn late.  First we have to sit through a 25-game regular season that runs from November to March that no one other than Duke fans care about—and then conference tournaments on top of it. The Final Four ends in April. So that’s six to seven months of missed classes in extreme cases.

I’m just saying, make “March Madness” actually live up to its name—at least pretend that some of these kids are getting an education…and their bitchslaps.

The tourney resumes in two days (March 26).

-Devin Chanda