just a couple things you'll need

Two million. 2 million people. 2 million excitable people sprinkled with Beyoncé, Bruce Springsteen, Mary J. Blige, Tom Hanks, Oprah, Halle Berry, secret service, cold weather, port-a-potties, frayed nerves and the earth-shatteringly momentous occasion of the swearing in of the single most famous and celebrated man in these United States—the awesomeness that is Barack Hussein Obama. It’s going to be one helluva party and the rabble will be roused. If you’re going, and you don’t have fancy balls to attend or a base-camp of operation other than your motel room IN THE NEXT STATE OVER you need to be prepared. You can have fun, cry your eyeballs out, bond with your fellow Americans (even if you normally NEVER talk to strangers) and have a truly unforgettable experience if you just keep a couple things in mind.

Here are some tips to not only survive D.C. but revel in it.

1. It’s D.C. D.C’s cold. In fact, weather.com is reporting that the noon hour will see 27 degrees, with a 10 percent chance of rain, partly cloudy skies and winds of about 9 mph. Overnights will be in the 20s. Don’t go out like President William Henry Harrison who in 1841 caught a cold during his Inauguration speech and DIED a month later from what developed into pneumonia. Bundle up. Wear a hat, scarf, gloves (I really like the fingerless ones with the mitten tops for optimal dexterity and toastiness) and dress in layers that you can adjust accordingly to your comfort level. Ladies, for the love of God, please seriously think of wearing flats during the day. Check Giant Magazine Fashion Editor Aixa’s brilliant guide here for some cute ones.

suggested attire

2. Listen, I know history as you know it will be irrevocably altered and the poignancy of what lies ahead just slays you with its wonderfulness, but most of you have to get the hell back to work. Don’t get sick. DEFINITELY bring air-borne and vitamin C. This is a congregation of heart, mind, hopes, dreams and a gang-load of GERMS. Plus, you must remember that lines for bathrooms will be unmitigated disaster zones. I suggest packing a packet of tissues and a healthy squirt of Purell anti-bacterial gel. Oh, and if all the elation forces you to accidentally fall into a cute stranger’s love junk, please bring and use protection.

sharing is caring

3. Many of you may never have been to D.C. before and this is not the time to go in blind. You WILL wait at least an hour to get on the metro and the subway will not run all night. I strongly recommend buying tickets in advance here. The Metro parking lot will be ONLY for Metro employees only and the metro will operate until 2 AM on the 19th and from 4 AM to 2 AM on the 20th. Get a list of all the events here and maps of no-parking areas, access points into the district and pedestrian-only routes and maps here and here.

4. In the thick of it—the slow-moving mass that is the ceremony perimeter—there are no food, beverages or other amenities on site. Bring all medication that you’ll need with you and if you have questions regarding insulin or any super involved medical stuff call the U.S. Capitol Police at 202-512-1226. You can only bring small snacks so bring multiple, compact eats that pack a punch and keep you full up. I suggest energy bars, nuts, and snack crackers. They are also not allowing thermoses so don’t think you’re clever by bringing your own hot foods and beverages. You were totally going to bring soup weren’t you?

the perfect food

5. No umbrellas will be allowed in the ceremony perimeter and there will be multiple security checkpoints so if your $200 Paul Smith brolly is snatched up you will NOT get it back and you will be sad. I hate to break it to you but you may have to bring a raincoat or… eep… a poncho. I suggest a disposable one. Mostly because you’ll need to see it in a trashcan to truly believe that the ugliness is behind you now. Shhhh… it’s ok. It’s over now, there, there.

I'm sorry

6. I know it’s all sounding terribly post-apocalyptic (which is truer than I’d care to think given our previous regime) but chances are, there won’t be a row of readily available outlets just hanging out for you in case your iPhone dies. Pack a back-up battery and pack a back-up for your video camera as well. This is obvious. I am reminding you again because it being obvious won’t prevent you from forgetting. Also, in terms of money think of this experience as you would a trip to the strip club, withdrawals from ATMs (the automated teller machine kind not the other kind) may gum your time up and be costly so keep it liquid with a good amount of walkaround cash.

7. On the subject of technology, it doesn’t matter how big the locust-like cloud of Verizon network people they show in the commercial is, cell phone reception in the area will be dicey. If it’s really important, don’t call, text. Cell phone carriers are suggesting they will be more reliably delivered than calls.

8. Timeliness is next to Godliness. Lateness is next to NotGettingYourAssIn-ness. For the Swearing-In Ceremony, security checkpoints will open for ticketed guests at 8:00 am and the musical prelude begins at 10 am. Arrive no later than 9:00 am to ensure that you are through the checkpoints by the time the program begins. Screening will end when the program begins at 11:30 am and late arrivals will NOT be able to enter the grounds. This is a day never before seen, a day that carries all our hopes and prayers to a colorblind and glorious future. That said, the space-time continuum still exists and the CPT fairy will not save you.

9. Here’s a relatively comprehensive list of what you can’t bring into the events and the perimeter. Obvious stuff: Firearms, explosives (no fireworks, dummy), knives, animals other than service animals and alcohol. Less obvious stuff: You can’t bring pepper spray (ladies, check your keychains), coolers, backpacks, signs or posters (I can confidently tell you you’re not getting an autograph) suitcases, strollers (so you better strap that baby on your back or leave her/him at home).

will poo for food

10. The experience will be peppered with moments where you will need the audacity of calming the F down and taking three deep breaths. Just pan out remember why you’re there. It’s a NEW DAY, people. Patience is the companion of wisdom, please stay safe and be on your best behavior. The world will be watching. A world that can suck it because our new leader is awesome. USA! USA!