Autumn is almost here. Literally, mark your calendars!! It’s going to get a little nippy outdoors. Why not become a coach potato? That gives you a reason to work to get that beach bum bod like a mad man (or lady) when it starts to heat up in springtime. Here are five reasons:

5.

A post-Ugly Betty Vanessa L. Williams Joins Desperate Housewives and gets a Wild West motif!

4.

The second season of TV musical Glee starts and that means more one-liners from Sue Sylvester and more gospels wails from Mercedes!

3.

More diversity. More Boom Boom Pow T&A. More Beefcake. More ka-boom bang-bang livewire explosives. And a remixed theme song. The Hawaii Five-O remake has us shellshocked.

2.

$#^! My Dad Says: The title alone gives us goosebumps!

1.

We’re seriously waiting to hear the outrage when the smart and seductive Undercovers gets hate from all of those damned Obama isolates and love from all of those eccentric Benetton aficionados. Two non-stereotypical and cerebral black leads? A good story? Proper character development? Characters we’ll actually care about? Let’s get this season started!

Honorable mention

So they canned the critically-acclaimed New York sitcom monster and brought the show to La La Land, where ever other show on TV is shooting. (sigh) Just Perfect! But regardless, law enforcement legal-drama Law & Order: Los Angeles is still going to deliver great stories. Too bad for all those qualified New York actors, though.

Life is not always how you planned it would go. That’s where ABC is going with the newly-minted My Generation starring True Blood’s Mehcad Brooks!

Denzel Washington And Sam Jackson Sons Announce “Children Of The Porn” Movie

You know it’s tough times for music when Andy Samberg’s Saturday Night Live skits make for some of the best music out. Eat your heart out, Kanye!

Samberg has done it again. This weekend’s Digital Short, titled “Jizz In My Pants,” is already a viral sensation. Featuring Molly Simms, Jamie-Lynn Sigler (this chick is everywhere!) and Justin Timberlake, the video is posted below. Expect your friends to be singing this all week!

(Thanks, Alyson!)

Alright, I’ve had it with Heroes. And it’s not just because week after week I’ve watched characters abandon their key defining traits, followed aimless story lines that circle back and repeat and been introduced to villains with lame powers like the ability to suck a stack of magazines into a black hole. Frankly, it’s just that I don’t care anymore. Simple as that.

I haven’t watched the show for the past few weeks (a trend that seems to be widespread)—though last night I’d planned on giving Heroes one last, final, slim-chance shot. However, due to a Lost marathon on Sci-Fi (more specifically, the episode where we find out about Mr. Eko’s past) I once again passed on the opportunity to groan over Peter Petrelli’s pained grimace and Claire’s awkward gymnast shoulders. So thank gawd for streaming episodes on NBC.com (and not having much work to do at the office today). What follows are my many questions after watching this episode. As you’ll see, I don’t understand a damn thing about Heroes anymore. This show sucks. Enjoy.

• Why is Mohinder still alive?

• Why was Mohinder’s father the worst scientist in the world?

• How can I get some of that “spirit walk” gunk?

• Isn’t Ando dead? (OK, so our resident TV buff Ethan just explained this one to me… How stupid is that?)

• Is “I’d shave my wrists” an expression?

• Who stole Malcolm McDowell’s acting ability?

• How many episodes has Eric Roberts been on?

• Does understanding how to fix a watch make you a psychopath? (If so, I’m fine with my Swiss Army staying broken.)

• Asbestos-lined cell? Seriously?

• Who cares about Claire’s real mom?

• If your hand is metal, does it really hurt when it’s heated by a flame?

• How effective are handcuffs on a man whose hands can expand and transform into metal fists?

• Wasn’t the whole point of Elle’s character that she was too young and naive to do actual field work? Now she’s been trained for field work since she was four years old? What?

• Alright, Angela, you know what your husband’s power is, and you know what your power is. So why would you bother grabbing a knife to defend yourself?

• Where’s Parkman? (Not that I really care.)

• Linderman makes pot pies?

• Did Linderman and Angela ever bump uglies? Sensing sexual tension.

• Remember when Linderman got punched in the brain? That was awesome.

• So if Claire’s real mom knew that she was alive, why did she have such a passive interest in Claire when she was first introduced?

• Let’s think back: Didn’t it seem like Claire’s real mom had been living in her trailer park for quite a while when she met Claire in Season 1? Now we’re supposed to believe that she’d only established herself there for like a week or so after working as an agent? Come on!

• Why is EVERYONE cooking?

• Doesn’t Gabriel basically already have this goth dude’s power?

• Why do any of these flashbacks actually matter to the current story arc?

• Why did Peter ever get rid of his emo hair?

NBC’s To Catch a Predator is such a guilty pleasure, even though it’s the same scenario every time: perv comes in, young decoy offers him some lemonade and cookies or whatever, then host Chris Hanson comes outta nowhere with some really snappy line and the perv gets all embarrassed, and later arrested.

But the real action comes when the situation goes one of two ways:

1. The dude acts all calm and has a BS conversation with Hanson, talking about how he wasn’t really gonna have sex with a kid, but, you know, he was just visiting or whatever.

2. Dude is familiar with the show, but apparently never thought he’d be on it, so he starts apologizing and pleading and feeling all sad and ashamed when he realizes that as soon as he walks out the door, the cops are gonna rag him up, and shit will steadily roll downhill for his whole sorry life from then on.

So imagine my delight when fellow GIANT staffer Kevin sent me this Predator highlights video. Some kid had a lot of time on their hands, and we’re so totally grateful for it. Check out the clip below.