Continuing on last week’s post on the best low-budget clips, GIANT has decided to also give you a quick rundown on the worst offenders in straight-to-World Star exploits. After all, it’s a lot more fun goin’ off on craptasticness than it is to give props, right?

Busta Rhymes, “Arab Money”

Rik Cordero might be the master of the cheap video, but here he decided to go a bit bigger, with green-screen overkill, resulting in the most ridiculous looking trip to Arabia since Aladdin’s stereotype-filled journey.

French Montana’s Videography (minus “New York Minute”)

“Welcome To The Breadshop” featuring various weedcarriers

It’s hard to decide whether this is the worst video ever… or the greatest. The concept was simple: stick Frenchie and the homies in a kitchen and let them throw flour on each other. Yet, they still find a way to raise the bar for ignorance, with Hennessey coming out of the papas fritas fryer and Frenchie rockin’ stove mittens. Even Jiffy gets some shine.

“Plenty Money”

Take “Plenty Money,” for instance which passes off some dude filming Frenchie, Dame Grease, and the rest of the Coke Wave doing much of nothing, with some stupid scribble flashing across the screen to give it that grimey effect.

Oh yeah, Free Max B.

Charles Hamilton, “November 10^th“

If you want proof of why Charles Hamilton is the lamest rapper since ever, well here it is, with this made-for-Disney ode to Sonic and friends.

Juelz Santana and Skull Gang, “What You Reppin’”

The textbook shitty rap video:  cats walking around, waving money with their leased whips. Jordan Tower at his best.

THROWBACK: 50 Cent, “Heat”

Classic track, cool concept. But I guess this was made before the money started piling in for Fif.

A glimpse at Pharrell’s BBC Hunting Pattern Collection will remind you of the fact that rappers (Pharrell gets a pass as one) should not, in almost all cases, dabble with fashion.

Unfortunately, when they do pursue it, not only are the designs poor, but they make them overpriced and exclusive to online-only “boutiques” to hide the shoddy quality of the actual clothing. With brands rolling out their fall collections, here’s a glimpse of what’s on the horizon for existing labels and those that are sure to spring up as they follow in the footsteps of sorely missed Vokal.

CURRENT BRANDS

The Clipse (Play Cloths)

The duo will ditch the hipster set in favor of their natural audience: aspiring street merchants and neighborhood pushas. Cloths’ smuggling-friendly attire — including garments already impregnated with liquid coke! — will soon be seen on every street corner and airport smoking lounge.

T.I. (Akoo)

With Tip in the box until May, prison garb would be more fitting for the king of himself, at least. Mix in his stand-in and Grand Hustle patna Young Dro’s penchant for Sour Skittles pastels and the fall line of jumpsuits will take a decidedly candy paint look.

FUTURE BRANDS

Charles Hamilton (Sonic The Hamilton)

With Interscope forced to shelve his album, the label will look to recoup their investment by packaging a Sonic The Hamilton pop-up book with Tiger Beat in promotion of a tween boutique brand of Sonic tees.

T-Pain (Thr33 Ringz)

Sure to be a staple at swap meet and flea market circuses across the south, Pain’s brand of top hats and ringmaster jackets are necessities of sideshow swag.

Taz Arnold (The Nerdz Gang)

Armed with a Kanye co-sign and a Paris Fashion Week-stealing Leopard print tights, Taz will unleash his future line (named after his kiddie Crenshaw gang), catering to all Liberace-Lupe-She-Ra-Flashdance-Polo enthusiasts — who also happen to be Arabian cowboys. In other words, no one… except for maybe Kanye.

Most rappers rhyme about being the next MJ, but we’ve seen hoop dreams deflate like a true fiend’s weight (no Weezy). Without succeeding in the rap game, here are a number sports where the following emcees would see greatness.

Drake (Wheelchair Basketball)

The only question would be whether the back of his jersey will read “Graham” or “Brooks.” For reasons of nostalgia, we’d like to see the latter.

T.I. (Riflery)

His passion for the sport—going as far as participating in it in shopping mall parking lots—has him sitting in the jail for the next year.

Fat Joe (Sumo Wrestling)

Because he’s fat.

Max B (Surfing)

Because he’s wavy.

Rick Ross (Baseball)

Because he’s a fraud.

• Sidebar: The Clipse could continue their profession as drug dealers by pushing Balco and badges to The Boss.

Kanye West (Mascot/Cheerleader)

Nobody is better at shamelessly promoting his own cause or that of his homies. “I believe Drake has the potential to be bigger than me, to be one of the most important wheelchair basketball players of his generation.”

Asher Roth (Ultimate Frisbee)

Asher seems to enjoy becoming a caricature of college leisure. We will aid his effort by allowing him to frolic barefoot on the lawn with some brews and his brosefs.

Charles Hamilton (Tetherball)

Tetherball, as you may know, doesn’t require any friends.

Consequence (Wood Chopping)

Well, we went there.

- Lukas Brekke-Miesner, Devin Chanda & Shahendra Ohneswere

Without the restrictions of a record label, you can get away with saying anything on a mixtape.  You can also get away with putting anything on a cover.  Here’s our look back at those who used that freedom to give us the very best covers of ’08.

8. Mick Boogie and Terry Urban – Viva La Hova

Liberty Leading The People… in their Roc chains.  Subtle but gangster.

7. Charles Hamilton – The L Word

Sonic has great taste in women—and pornstars.

6. Asher Roth – The Greenhouse Effect

If Asher’s website being named “The Daily Kush” wasn’t enough indication that dude is a pothead, well you here you have it.

5. Crooked I – St. Valentine’s Day Bossacre

Not a fan of pointlessly made-up words but chainsaws are easily the greatest invention next to streaming porn Pop Tarts.  Ash would agree.

5. Curren$y – Higher Than 30,000 Feet

The iconic image of cool personified, The Rat Pack… and Curren$y breaking up.

4. Max B – Wavie Crockett

His Waviness rockin’ the coonskin cap = hella wavy.

3. Tony Yayo – Bloody Xmas

Because beefin’ on wax is so 2005.  You get where this is going….

1. G-Unit – Elephant In The Sand

The elephant silhouettes are a nice touch.  So is Joey’s ass crack.

Now for the worst…

8. Von Pea (of Tanya Morgan)- The Further Adventures of Von Pea

Simply because laser cats > laser ducks.

7. Charles Hamilton Discography

We get it, fam—you like Sonic.  Now grow up.

6. D-Block – Jedi Knight School

No Yoda means you’re relegated to the shit list.

5. Skull Gang – Takeover

The new movement to move wit is apparently Juelz’s biker gang.

4. Mick Boogie and DJ Treats Present Leaders of The New Cool

Mama always said don’t judge a book by its cover.  She never said shit about mixtapes.  Judging by that hot orange mess, the tape must be a study in lame.

3. The Game – Black Wall Street Radio Part 5

Obviously Jayceon’s idea.

2. Uncle Murder – Back On My Bullshit

That’s a million-dollar tagline right there.

1. Lil Wayne – The Drought Is Over Part 6

*speechless*

- Devin Chanda

And for more mixtape love, clicke here to check out our Top 8 Mixtapes of ’08 here!

This holiday season, any additional reason to celebrate is met with a grunt. Upon hearing another invite, my mind forgoes the “Drink and be merry” aspect of a party, and immediately thinks “Do I have to buy another gift?”

PUMA, in a very selfless act that stays true to the winter months mantra of giving and not receiving, is granting us admission to their 60th birthday party. Make that plural.

Hosted at different concept stores across the states, will be the “I Am 60” celebrations. Along with a 20% discount on your entire purchase, each party will have a live DJ, food, beverage, and naturally, a best-wishes b-day cake. The first 100 folks to spend $50 or more get an exclusive somethin’ extra (i.e. loot and treats), and PUMA will be raffling off one ultimate gift bag per city, as well.

Every great host provides a parting gift, and PUMA is no different, so expect to receive a stash of recession-appropriate coupons.

6:00 – 8:00 pm
December 2 – Boston, MA
December 3 – Austin, TX
December 4 – Houston, TX
December 9 – Miami, FL, San Jose, CA, and King of Prussia, PA
December 10 – Orlando, FL, San Diego, CA, and Short Hills, NJ
December 11 – Washington, DC, Las Vegas, NV, and Troy, MI

In true holiday-party fashion, they ask that you RSVP here. In this case, you must. It’s the only way you can get an exact address.

And it’s not a celebration until someone turns on a tune that gets drunk uncles and bratty tots, alike, dancing – I mean more “Cha-Cha-Slide” (which, unfortunately, has proven to be a suitable play at any event), and less “Chesnuts Roasting…” Music is as important as mistletoe during this time of the year, so in addition to the giveaways, PUMA is planning a series of concerts. These are free, too.

Us, New Yorkers get to see Pharrell’s newly-signed Star Trak-ers, Chester French, our June/July “Future Giants,” The Knux, mixtape-staple, Charles Hamilton, and hip-hop DJ Jus Ske.

December 1, 9:00pm, Music Hall of Williamsburg, 66 N. 6th Street

We can pick up tickets (first come, first serve) at the PUMA locations in the Meat Packing District, SoHo, or Union Square West. Again, exact addresses here.

Other gigs:
West Hollywood, CA, December 8, 9:00pm
Plain White T’s w/ DJ Adam 12
Roxy
9009 Sunset Boulevard

San Francisco, December 9, 9:00pm
Steve Aoki w/ Lady Gaga
859 Ofarrell Street

Chicago, December 10, 9:00pm
The Bravery
Metro
3730 N. Clark Street

And it’s only right that we give back, so for the person that’s hardest to shop for, look no further than PUMA’s “I Am 60” Decade collection (to drop December 9). It consists of 3 capsule lines. Each will include accessories, apparel, and footwear inspired by classic styles and silhouettes from its designated era.

Expect the re-introduction of their first football boot, the Artikel 61, from the 40’s-50’s…

…pieces reminiscent of the T1 track jacket for the 60’s-70’s…

…and bright color blocks and revamped high-tops inspired by the 80’s-90’s.

Happy Holidays.

The “Hamiltonization Process” is now 50% complete.  No, this isn’t a status report on another last-ditch plan by Congress to fix Wall Street. The “Process” is the mixtape marketing plan of Harlem emcee Charles Hamilton. By its end, the Interscope signee will have dropped 8 mixtapes—one every two weeks, each on a different blog—since September 2.

Last week’s release was It’s Charles Hamilton. As you can see, the kid loves Sonic (a bit too much but it’s a dope cover nonetheless). As for the tape, it’s Charles and dude can ramble-rap—and make sense—like few others. There’s even a love song to pornstar Lacey Duvalle (Ballhoneys anyone?).

If you’re unfamiliar with Hamilton, peep this freestyle from DJ Green Lantern’s Sirius broadcast a few moons ago. Download the latest mix here, folks (link courtesy of 2dopeboyz.com).

The process paces towards completion with next week’s installment, releasing on xclusiveszone.blogspot.com

-Devin Chanda