So, we’re under strict orders not to do anymore Top 8 of ’08 posts. Thank God! That said, I couldn’t let this one little nugget pass me by.

The incomparable (read: I have never heard of him) DJ Earworm decided to mashup the Top 25 songs of 2008 according to Billboard magazine (if you know me, then you know what time it is… LOL). Anyway, Mr. Earworm was kind enough to post his “masterpiece,” which features T.I., Chris Brown and Alicia Keys (notice a pattern here?), on YouTube for all the world to enjoy so without further ado…

Thanks, Naz.

Without the restrictions of a record label, you can get away with saying anything on a mixtape.  You can also get away with putting anything on a cover.  Here’s our look back at those who used that freedom to give us the very best covers of ’08.

8. Mick Boogie and Terry Urban – Viva La Hova

Liberty Leading The People… in their Roc chains.  Subtle but gangster.

7. Charles Hamilton – The L Word

Sonic has great taste in women—and pornstars.

6. Asher Roth – The Greenhouse Effect

If Asher’s website being named “The Daily Kush” wasn’t enough indication that dude is a pothead, well you here you have it.

5. Crooked I – St. Valentine’s Day Bossacre

Not a fan of pointlessly made-up words but chainsaws are easily the greatest invention next to streaming porn Pop Tarts.  Ash would agree.

5. Curren$y – Higher Than 30,000 Feet

The iconic image of cool personified, The Rat Pack… and Curren$y breaking up.

4. Max B – Wavie Crockett

His Waviness rockin’ the coonskin cap = hella wavy.

3. Tony Yayo – Bloody Xmas

Because beefin’ on wax is so 2005.  You get where this is going….

1. G-Unit – Elephant In The Sand

The elephant silhouettes are a nice touch.  So is Joey’s ass crack.

Now for the worst…

8. Von Pea (of Tanya Morgan)- The Further Adventures of Von Pea

Simply because laser cats > laser ducks.

7. Charles Hamilton Discography

We get it, fam—you like Sonic.  Now grow up.

6. D-Block – Jedi Knight School

No Yoda means you’re relegated to the shit list.

5. Skull Gang – Takeover

The new movement to move wit is apparently Juelz’s biker gang.

4. Mick Boogie and DJ Treats Present Leaders of The New Cool

Mama always said don’t judge a book by its cover.  She never said shit about mixtapes.  Judging by that hot orange mess, the tape must be a study in lame.

3. The Game – Black Wall Street Radio Part 5

Obviously Jayceon’s idea.

2. Uncle Murder – Back On My Bullshit

That’s a million-dollar tagline right there.

1. Lil Wayne – The Drought Is Over Part 6

*speechless*

- Devin Chanda

And for more mixtape love, clicke here to check out our Top 8 Mixtapes of ’08 here!

All Gone displays all of 2008’s greatest sold-out products in one 256-page book. Created and published by La MJC Agency, the series features every product sorted by release date, with a descriptive highlight written by famous photographers and original artists. And here’s a doozy: Whilst the book showcases limited-edition goods, it, in itself, is an exclusive, as only 1000 copies are being produced.

Nothing quite says “I Love You” like a gift reminding someone of all the hot shit you didn’t get them.

Expected reaction: Recipient uses book as catalog while making next year’s wishlist. Gifter’s foot makes way towards mouth; no longer appreciates irony.

7.

Supervision is an electronic budget diary that scans receipts, charts money coming in and out, talks(?) to your bank, and gives you monthly expense details.

A constant, hand-held reminder of your financial straits? I’m pretty sure empty pockets do that all their own.

Expected reaction: Recipient hires hacker to empty Gifter’s bank account using new fancy-shmancy device.
6.

Four types of commemorative Coco Chanel coins were recently minted — two are silver, two are gold, and each hold the denomination of 5 euros. The price tag for the most expensive gold coin is €5,900. That’s an 117,900 percent markup on its face value – a well-made investment in today’s market.

Karl Lagerfeld claims, “There might be less of it, but money can still be beautiful.” Unfortunate reality: Man believes it, buys for wife, fails at attempt to not end up sexless that night.

Expected reaction: Wife sobs uncontrollably at loss of savings. Children don’t go to college.

5.

Answer: If you decide to wrap this up and present it to a loved one with a serious face and no back-up gift: everything.

Expected reaction: Recipient immediately uses Flame as mace. Strangely gets in mood for Whopper.

Attn: Public
Why was Flame sold out at every Ricky’s location in New York, only a week after its release? Clearly, you’ve confused the holiday with April Fool’s.

4.

The Flying Alarm Clock is exactly what it looks like. When it sounds at the set time (P.S. it’s programmed to produce the noise of an effing siren), the plastic propeller launches into the air and flies around the room.

Btw, no snooze escape. The sound cannot be stopped until you retrieve and return it to the base station.

Expected reaction: Recipient tires himself out looking for missing propeller. Falls back asleep. Creates vicious (REM) cycle.

3.

The Gangsta Babies, made my Mezco Toyz [sic], are Pookie, Rey Rey (you know, from around the wayway), Benjino, and Big Deuce. They spend more on accessories than you do on your car, fool. If you have time, decipher the cryptic doll description: “Babies be trippin’, man!…These 10-inch hoodlers are A-Listing in the playground. Rockin’ fab-tastic clothing and so much baby bling that other rug rats can only catch their vapors. Pookie’s a green-eyed baller. But don’t make him cranky…Featuring a thermal shirt, t-shirt, dew rag, ring…”

Also, this set of 4 is called “Series 1.” *Holding breath*

Expected reaction: Recipient makes the Pook-man cranky. Gets popped. Pimped-out pacifier-style.

2.

The $1,400 TwoDaLoo side-by-side toilet seats boast a modest wall in between, but clearly don’t take into consideration the invasion of (facial) female privacy a man-stance can will cause. An upgraded version includes a seven-inch LCD television and iPod docking station.

Upside: Eco-friendly! Conserves water supply all with one flush.

Expected reaction: Recipient couple breaks up. Felt smothered.

(However, duality does seem to be a theme this season.)

1.

“Sniff, sniff. I made a stinky!” says this season’s $59.99 animatronic Baby Alive, whose stomach, like your grandpa’s, fails to agree with green beans. “Be careful,” reads the Hasbro doll’s promotional literature, “just like real life, sometimes she can hold it until she gets to the ‘potty’ and sometimes she can’t!” (A warning on the back of the box reads: “May stain some surfaces.”)

No one deserves this.

Expected reaction: Recipient force-feeds Baby Alive waiting for it to create skidmarks on all Gifter belongings.

-Danielle Cheesman

1. The “30 Americans” exhibit at the Rubell Family Collection warehouse opened the weekend of Art Basel Miami Beach, the largest annual US art fair. The show, on view through November of 2009, spotlights the 30 best-of-the-best African-American artists of our generation. Artists include Kehinde Wiley, Kara Walker, Wangechi Mutu, Rashid Johnson, Jeff Sonhouse, Noah Davis, Barkley L. Hendriks, Mickalene Thomas, Shinique Smith, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Lorna Simpson, Glenn Ligon and more.

GIANT’s own Brian Keith Jackson covered the show for our Dec/Jan issue.

For #2.

When: October 10, 2008.

What: The Golden Gate Bridge Board of Directors vote on installing a safety net to catch people attempting to commit suicide. They vote in favor 14-1.

Rant: Suspension bridges are a mesmerizing testament to the industriousness of man. New Yorkers are lucky to gaze upon squillions of them. The good folk of San Francisco have a fantastic one in the Golden Gate Bridge which is not only orange but also possesses the dubious honor of being the most popular location in the United States to commit suicide.

Chief engineer Joseph Strauss was a wee man, standing at 5-feet tall and wanted to be able to peer over the railing to enjoy the view. He built it at 4-feet, a low height that many feel contribute to the high rate. There was trouble from the onset. In August of the year it was built (1937), Harold Wobber, a veteran of World War I, plunged to his death upon uttering the words, “This is as far as I go.” The drop is a quick one, 4 seconds at over 80 mph. The net that was approved, has the lowest projected costs at $40 million is the safest of the five proposed alternatives. Despite the near-unanimous vote, the SF locals and politicos who oppose the net citing reasons of aesthetics and those who claim that the whole “especially high rate of suicides thing” is a myth will be glad to hear it will be YEARS before the net will be built. It seems the lionshare of the heavy lifting has already been done with the board doing the “yea/nay bit.”

Lesson: The way things work in 2008 will probably be the way things work in 2009 which makes my brain bleed in frustration.

When: Founded in 1980 in Norfolk, VA. To this DAY annoying the piss out of me. Specifically on November 10th, 2008 and throughout the winter (a.k.a FUR SEASON).

What: PETA’s (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) Executive Director Tracy Reiman writes a letter to the President of insurance provider Blue Cross asking him to lower premiums for vegetarians.

Rant: Hey, I like vegetarians. Shahendra for example is vegan and mercilessly clowns all lacto-pesca-ovo (dairy, fish, egg-eating) vegetarians as being pansies and I respect this mostly because he has a DOPE leather Gucci satchel and has fancy hyperstrike Nike sneakers that have bits of ostrich on them (squawk!!!). And, whatever, I’m gung ho about all flavor of man enjoying cheaper health care BUT here’s the rub: PETA wants their costs to be lowered and for meat eaters to pay MORE because of our higher rates of heart disease and E. Coli and whatever else horrible things happen to meat eaters for being bad people. WTF? The MEEK shall inherit the earth. You people don’t eat all the hormone-injected flesh products, where’s all this anger coming from? Just file your teeth down to little cud-chewing nubbins and retract the fucking claws already. Plus, PETA has this INSANE racket where under the guise of giving fur coats away to the “only people who have any excuse to wear them–the HOMELESS” they’re asking Manhattanites to drop off unused fur coats to their “fur kitchens.” Nice try. Slippery vegetarians…

Lesson: Extremists in whatever form they come in have no place in the new year. Unless they eat bacon at every meal and are named me.

When: Since the first ratty-haired-Australian-surf-hippie-bogan-sheep-shagging-jobless-wonder shuffled down the beach in shearling sock boots.

What: The UGG and its abject fuggliness still being flung at my line of sight the second I leave my house regardless of where I am and the climate.

Rant: There is nothing I can say of this foul-ass foot mitten that hasn’t been said before. The only point of contention I feel merits discussion is that I’m DISGUSTED at the shoe industry for not coming up with a comparable alternative functionally speaking. You can wear these everywhere, with or without socks, they wick moisture yet remain toasty and sadly they are virtually indestructable. Plus, they’re expensive enough that hoarse-voiced Long Island japettes can use them to exert power over their chubbier, less rich friends for only being able to afford the knock-offs (PSHAW! They’re not supposed to be baby blue.).

Lesson: It’s 2009, the job market is in the shitter. All the unemployed people should put their heads together, take some online courses and form a cabal of seamstress-cum-cobblers to make a replacement shoe that is versatile and comfortable and not trashy. There’s a huge gap in the market. Why are Crocs for obese families, Clogs for spinsters and Uggs for people who buy entire ensembles from Victoria’s Secret’s Pink label? Someone needs to fix this and it needs to happen NOW.

3. Olafur Eliasson’s “Take Your Time” dual retrospective at New York’s MoMA and PS1 museum, a first for the two institutions. Add to that his large-scale public art project “Waterfalls”—love it or hate it— it is hard to compete with the scale of his vision. Using the most simple elements to wow a crowd, the artist pulls magic from the mundane. Read more about it here.

For #4.

Last year gave us the standard fare of rappers hopping on the hottest beats, but also a bevy of remixes from electronica DJs flipping popular originals in and out. Here were the best on both fronts:

8. N.E.R.D. – “Everybody Nose” Remix, featuring Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, and Pusha T

The least famous rapper of the bunch upstages the CRS dudes (including Lupe and his “high” verse) but whom better to talk about coke than a Thornton brother? Sadly no more party horns, but Pharrell obnoxiously yelling “On Fiyyahh!” will suffice. (Watch here)

7. John Legend- “Green Light” Diplo Dade County 1988 Mix, featuring Andre 3000

Legend’s voice becomes just another instrumental ingredient, taking a backseat to the heavy, late 80s Miami bass employed by Diplo, mixmaster-of-the-moment. (Listen here)

6. Shawty Lo– “Dey Know” Remix, featuring Ludacris, Young Jeezy, Plies, & Lil Wayne

Luda hijacks this joint with his constant jabbing, making you forget it belonged to T.I.’s latest victim Shawty Lo. On the other hand, while completely hilarious, Weezy’s verse serves as a reminder for us all to stay away from the Styrofoam cup. (Listen here)

5. Robin Thicke- “Magic” Mark Ronson Remix, featuring Wale and Mary J. Blige

Ronson swaps the vintage R&B feel for some horn-fueled go-go while Wale lays down two swaggerific verses over his native sound. (Listen here)

4. Lil Wayne- “A Milli” Remix, featuring Cory Gunz

Rumor has it Weezy dropped Gunz’s verse from the OG because the young’n outrapped him. Then again, everyone—even Ne-Yo—outrapped Wayne on this. Cory got his shine, though—his verse was dope enough to land him a magazine cover (XXL). (Listen here)

3. KiD CuDi- “Day N Nite” Crookers Remix

The original sounded like a house track trying to break free, which the Crookers completely liberate when the synth breakdown hits. You just might find yourself reaching for the glow sticks. (Watch here)

2. M.I.A.- “Paper Planes” DFA Remix

By the time every half-decent rapper (and Trey Songz) hopped on this, those gunshots got mighty annoying. Thankfully, electronica label DFA completely rework the track, hinging it on a few groovy little guitar chords. (Listen here)

1. Coldplay- “Lost” Remix, featuring Jay-Z

Hov’s verse on this is about two years old, an excerpt from the “Grammy Family Freestyle” he spit on New York’s Hot 97 prior to the release of Kingdom Come. It remains one of his best post-retirement stanzas—vulnerable, age-appropriate, and clearly relevant to his lofty status in the game—and not simply yet another reminder that the Big Homey was born in BK (see “Brooklyn [Go Hard]“, “Hello Brooklyn 2.0,” etc.). (Watch here)

Four To Forget

Lil Wayne- “Lollipop” Remix, featuring Kanye West
Another verse from Purple Rain Wayne. And Kanye manages to flip the phrase “not your cheese” to “nacho cheese,” proving that him not rapping anymore might not be such a bad thing after all.

DJ Khaled- “Go Hard” Remix, featuring Jay-Z and Kanye West
Jay-Z does in fact “go hard” until he calls Kanye “bab’ bro.” How cute.

Busta Rhymes- “Arab Money” Remix Part 1, featuring Too Many People Completely Oblivious To How Dumb This Song Is
“I’d like to thank Steven Spielberg and George Lucas for directing this movie.” What they fuck are you talking about, Busta? And I’m sure Senegal appreciates the shout out on here, as well, Akon.

Busta Rhymes- “Arab Money” Remix Part 2, featuring Five Struggling Rappers
The only redeeming thing about this damn song is this video (skip to 1:50)

-Devin Chanda

Ok. I concede it is January 1 2009 and therefore a little tardy to reflect on the year but I figure I got til Christmas trees have to come down…

Super unsurprising news #6.

When: September, 2008. MTV’s VMAs.

What: Too many folks were feeding on the Britney Celebrity Industrial Complex teat to let her stay gone and dead. After the housing sect and financial world collapsed, we needed something to fill the void. It’s basically the exact same thing as right after the Cold World when the USSR died and everyone was worried about a mondo power vacuum the likes of which the Dyson guy would wet himself over. In this analogy Britney circa nonederpants is communist Russia. Putin’s scary and handsome in a killer way so I’ll leave it at that.

Rant: There is no rant. I firmly believe a Britney comback is too damn good for morale not to support. Kenyatta will back me on this. Even if Celebritney 2.0 is a glassy-eyed monster who’s photoshopped in Glamour magazine shoots to the point where she looks like a anonymous actress in an HPV vaccine advertisement. On that note, that Womanizer song is CONTAGIOUS I tells ya.

Lesson: We can’t just Michael Jackson all the famous people. We have to relent occasionally and pretend that the crazy lady with the hair plugs who talks like she stomped out of the swamp eating on a baby alligator is beautiful and sings like how waterfalls look when the sun shines on them. We need them because the economy needs them. There have to be at least Japanese marketing campaigns in her future. Our GNP demands it.

Because we care for more than just the music released by the majors, here are our picks for the best mixtapes of the year.

8. Ludacris – Gangsta Grillz: The Preview

A showcase for the South’s PLK, Luda also utilized the freedom of the medium to give us “Politics As Usual,” where he rapped “McCain don’t belong in any chair unless he’s paralyzed.” Wrong, yet right.

7. Re-Up Gang – We Got It For Cheap Vol. 3

Not quite as good as the first two tapes, but it marked the first time the unheralded Ab-Liva and Sandman consistently held their own with lyrical heavyweights The Clipse.

6. Wale – The Mixtape About Nothing

It would’ve made for a damn good debut album, even with the Seinfeld concept and DC producer Best Kept Secret filling in for Mark Ronson.

5. Curren$y – Super Tecmo Bowl

N.O. native and one-time Young Money rapper Curren$y blessed us with a mixtape every month from March to October, each with its own distinctive flavor. This one was a particularly ‘90s one as Hot Spitta blazed smooth golden-era classics such as “Lookin’ At The Front Door” and “Buck ‘Em Down” and late-decade bangers like “Its Mine.”

4. Fabolous – Gangsta Grillz: There is No Competition

Back on 2003’s “Think Y’all Know,” Fab said of himself, “his moves is Billy Dee, but he Jigga’s the bars…” pretty much summing his career up in a nutshell. For the first muthafuckin’ time, Fab finally gave us more of the latter with his first set of Grillz.

3. Jay-Z – Hip Hop Is Read Presents: Jay-Z Live at Glastonbury

For most of us broke folk who couldn’t charter a jet over to the UK to witness Hov’s headlining set at the June music fest, here it is in its entirety—premium sound quality and all. His “Wonderwall” cover was sweet revenge but the highlight was his slick “American Boy” freestyle.

2. DJ Jaycee – Eargasms 6

More of a mix than a mixtape, but its remixes—especially the soulful rethinking of “Hello Brooklyn 2.0”—defecate on the originals.

1. G-Unit – Return of the Body Snatchers

This shit right heeere will take you back to 2002. A prime example of why Boo Boo and friends were unstoppable in their early days, when they used to carve their own ghettofied hooks from radio staples—like they do here on Ryan Leslie’s “Diamond Girl.”

- Devin Chanda

4. Banksy’s “Village Pet Store and Charcoal Grill” in NYC. Brit glam street artist surprised the haters (myself included) and opened up a pet shop filled with little robotic friends.

For #5.

Another batch of ’08 performances we’d rather forget before midnight tonight.

8. Kristen Stewart, Twilight
I’m not sure that any actress would have been able to make Bella Swan–the teen gal at the center of this vampire love story–into a believable, three-dimensional human being.  As written, Bella is a complete cipher, someone whom young readers can project their own personalities onto in order to pretend that they’re locking lips with a studly young bloodsucker with ripped abs and a chaste bedside manner.  Accordingly, Stewart goes through all two hours of Twilight with a blank expression on her face, never cracking a smile or expressing any emotion beyond detachment.

7. Paris Hilton, The Hottie & The Nottie and Repo! The Genetic Opera
Three years after House of Wax laid a big stink bomb at the box office, the legend-in-her-own mind quasi-celebrity made another bid for movie stardom in 2008, first by appearing in the dire makeover comedy The Hottie & The Nottie, followed by the disappointing cult horror musical Repo! The Genetic Opera.  Once again, both movies made about a $1.50 in theaters, which means Paris should probably stick to making music.  Oh wait a minute…

6. Jessica Alba, The Eye and The Love Guru
Jessica Alba has always had looks and charm—it’s the talent that’s lacking.  The new mom’s two major 2008 roles didn’t do anything to change that impression.  The scare-free remake of the Asian horror film The Eye mainly required her to walk through the movie looking glum and confused, while The Love Guru forced her to find the genuinely scary sight of Mike Meyers in his guru get-up attractive.  She’d better hope Sin City 2 goes into production soon, because bouncing back from these failures ain’t going to be easy.

5. Selma Blair, Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Guillermo Del Toro generally has spot-on instincts when it comes to casting.  Ron Perlman as Hellboy?  Genius!  But I’m not sure what was on his mind when he tapped Selma Blair to play firestarter Liz Sherman.  With her mopey stare and grating voice, she’s been the weak link in both Hellboy flicks.  If Del Toro ever does get to complete his planned trilogy, may we suggest swapping out Blair for an actress with actual charisma…like, say, Kat Dennings?

4. Alicia Keys, The Secret Life of Bees
Ms. Keys swings and misses for strike three in her attempt to add “movie star” to her lengthy resume.  If underwhelming turns in turds like Smokin’ Aces and The Nanny Diaries weren’t evidence enough, her halting, unfocused performance in this three-hankie weepie confirms her lack of acting chops.  Stick to singing Alicia.  Unlike Paris, you actually do have a successful music career.

3. Rachel Bilson, Jumper
I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Summer Roberts, the character Rachel Bilson embodied so successfully during The O.C.’s four-season run.  Jumper was supposed to be Bilson’s ticket to movie stardom, but based on her awkward, lackluster performance (to say nothing of the film’s box office failure) she might want to go back to paging through her TV offers.  Maybe O.C. mastermind could hook her up with a recurring role on Gossip Girl?

2. Liv Tyler, The Incredible Hulk
Granted, Liv Tyler is stuck in a thoroughly thankless role as Betty Ross, estranged lover of Bruce Banner and his giant green alter ego (played by Ed Norton this time around).  Even so, her work in this absurdly overpraised comic-book flick is pretty darn terrible.  Every time she and Norton had to pretend they were deeply in love with each other, I swear I could feel time literally come to a stop in the theater..

1. Renee Zellweger, Leatherheads
I admit that I’m biased when it comes to Renee Zellweger–truth is, she’s an actress I simply can’t stand.  Of all her bad performances though, this may be the worst, largely because she’s been glaringly miscast.  Tapped to play a Katherine Hepburn-style tart-tongued reporter in George Clooney’s ’20s-era football comedy, Zellweger is absolutely hopeless.  Aside from having no feel for the script’s comic rhythms, she fails to strike any sparks with either of her love interests, Clooney and John Krasinski.  Those two would have been better off falling for each other–it would have been more believable than watching them chase after her.

Eight performances we’d rather forget that we saw this year.

8. Mark Wahlberg, The Happening and Max Payne
Poor Mark Wahlberg: a little over a year ago, he was sitting in the front row at the Academy Awards ceremony listening to his name being read as one of the five Best Supporting Actor nominees for his role in The Departed.  This year, only one group will be honoring the former Marky Mark’s work–the Razzies.  It’s not just that Wahlberg was unfortunate enough to headline two of year’s dumbest movies he also delivered career-worst performances in both.  In fact, the only thing of value he did in 2008 was inspiring that awesome SNL sketch, “Mark Wahlberg Talks to the Animals.”

7. Owen Wilson, Drillbit Taylor
One hates to kick a guy when he’s already down, but what the heck happened to Owen Wilson?  Things started to go haywire with the lame 2006 summer comedy You, Me and Dupree and bottomed out with this Judd Apatow-produced teen picture, which was released in the wake of Wilson’s much-publicized alleged suicide attempt.  Not to read too much into behind-the-scenes things, but the guy does look like he’s in physical and emotional pain throughout the film.  Of course, maybe that was simply due to the fact that he had to act out this awful script everyday.

6. Hayden Christensen, Jumper
Whenever people bash Hayden Christensen’s work as Anakin Skywalker in the last two Star Wars prequels, I have to remind them that he was being directed by George “Actor Slayer” Lucas, who has the ability to turn the best performers into big blocks of wood. Unfortunately, the guy doesn’t do my argument any favors with his charisma-free turn as a rebellious teleporter in Doug Liman’s boring would-be blockbuster.  In fact, Christensen is so obnoxious, you actually root for bad guy Sam Jackson to succeed in killing him off.

5. Ben Barnes, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
The second installment in The Chronicles of Narnia had a number of problems, but the biggest may have been the fact that the filmmakers cast a blank-faced bore as the titular hero.  Although Barnes has the look of a teen-friendly matinee idol–what with the flowing hair and sensitive features–he’s an incredibly mediocre actor with no discernable personality to speak of.  Maybe that’s the realy reason Disney ultimately decided not to go forward with the next Narnia flick: they’d have to bring Barnes back again.

4. Seth Rogen, Pineapple Express and Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Before Knocked Up came out, many speculated that there was little chance of its pudgy star, a goofy Canuck named Seth Rogen, becoming an A-list actor.  Based on his awkward follow-up performances in David Gordon Green’s Pineapple Express and Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno, I’m inclined to agree.  Don’t get me wrong–I generally like Rogen.  He’s great in Knocked Up and ruled on Freaks and Geeks back in the day.  But these two performances proved that he requires a lot of hands-on coaching when tasked with carrying a film.  Maybe he should stick to supporting roles for the foreseeable future.

3. Ziro the Hutt, Star Wars: The Clone Wars
I didn’t think it was possible for George Lucas to dream up a more annoying and offensive character than Jar Jar Binks, but the Bearded One managed to pull it off.  Introduced to us as Jabba the Hutt’s uncle, the flamboyant Ziro runs what appears to be a nightclub/brothel on the capital planet Coruscant, where he swans around in feather boas and speaks in a bizarre New Orleans-style accent.  The sight is at once both horrifying and fascinating–like a car wreck that you can’t look away from.

2. Martin Lawrence, College Road Trip
Martin Lawrence hasn’t been funny for at least a decade now and this relentlessly dumb road-trip comedy finds him at his paycheck-cashing worst.  His performance is so lazy, he willingly allows himself to be upstaged by a squealing pig.  No wonder Lawrence doesn’t appear to have any 2009 projects lined up yet–who would want to cast him after this debacle?

1. Nicolas Cage, Bangkok Dangerous
Remember the crazy Nic Cage who yelled his way through movies like The Rock and Con Air?  I miss that guy.  These days, we’re stuck with a wax statue with a horrible toupee and sizeable gut.  Bangkok Dangerous found the Oscar winner sleepwalking his way through the part of a top assassin who makes the mistake of taking one last job before retiring from the game.  Naturally the assignment goes haywire, but Cage never seems too worried.  Then again, it’s possible that all the Botox has left him unable to change his facial expression.

From Penelope to Meryl to Michelle, these were the standout leading ladies of 2008.

8. Kat Dennings, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Yet another example of how the right actors can elevate so-so material, Michael Cera and Kat Dennings gave this indie-music fueled after-hours romp through New York City’s Lower East Side its juice.  Cera had already proven his bona fides with scene-stealing turns in Arrested Development and Superbad, but Dennings was still looking for that breakout role after a series of small parts in hits like The 40-Year-Old Virgin.  She more than made her case for stardom with her smart, funny and touching performance as a wallflower who, over the course of one long night, learns to take center stage.

7. Samantha Morton, Mister Lonely
Playing a legendary icon like Marilyn Monroe isn’t an easy task for any actor.  So just try wrapping your head around having to play a character who looks and sounds just like Monroe, but is actually a star-struck celebrity impersonator.  That’s the tricky path Samantha Morton has to navigate in Harmony Korine’s little-seen oddity.  As usual though, the actress makes the impossible possible with a performance that’s mixes humor and heartbreak in always surprising ways.  If there’s a part Morton can’t play, she hasn’t found it yet.

6. Anna Faris, The House Bunny
Playing dumb isn’t as easy as it looks; it’s not enough to make your character an idiot—you also have to give the audience some reason to willingly spend 90 minutes in his or her company.  That’s why Anna Faris is such a gift.  Not only does she have the best dumb blonde routine in the business, she’s also insanely likable.  Her infectious energy and sweetness single-handedly keeps this otherwise routine fish-out-water comedy from drowning in its own clichés.

5. Penelope Cruz, Vicky Christina Barcelona
Penelope Cruz’s career renaissance continues with her ferocious performance as Javier Bardem’s mentally unstable ex-wife in Woody Allen’s surprisingly strong drama.  Real-life couples are often cautioned against working together onscreen, but Bardem and Cruz work gloriously together and handily win the title of Sexiest Screen Duo of ’08.  And don’t be surprised to see Cruz win another award–a little one known as the Best Supporting Actress trophy–come Oscar night.

4. Meryl Streep, Mama Mia! and Doubt
Another year, another reminder that Meryl Streep is a national cinematic treasure.  In 2008, the much-lauded actress starred in two very different films, each of which showcased her extraordinary range and versatility.  In the Abba-flavored musical Mama Mia!, Streep threw herself headfirst into a painfully campy production without ever appearing embarrassed or self-conscious–on the contrary, it looked like she was having the time of her life.  Doubt, on the other hand, required her to erase any trace of joy from her face and embody the strict, fun-hating disciplinarian that haunts the nightmares of any kid forced to attend Catholic school.  That she pulled off both parts without breaking a sweat shouldn’t come as a surprise; let’s face it, Meryl ain’t just an actress–she’s a freakin’ goddess.

3. Sally Hawkins, Happy-Go-Lucky
As Poppy, the relentlessly upbeat Londoner who smiles her way through life, Sally Hawkins has what may be this year’s most divisive role.  Half of the audience will love her, while the other half will want to see her tarred and feathered.  No matter which side you come down on though, it’s hard to argue that Hawkins isn’t one hundred percent convincing in the part.  Maybe too convincing–here’s hoping none of the anti-Poppy crowd tracks the actress home in London with plans to wipe that daffy smile off her face.

2. EVE, Wall-E
2008′s most kick-ass female action star wasn’t Angelina Jolie in Wanted: it was a laser-toting fembot who touches down on a deserted Earth some 700 years in the future and befriends a little trash compacter with an odd affection for Hello Dolly! It’s not just the iMac-sleek look that makes EVE so great–her “shoot first and ask questions later” approach to her job is also awesome.  No wonder Wall-E succumbs to her charms.  She’s like the cooler older girl you wanted to date in high school, but never had the courage to actually talk to.

1. Michelle Williams, Wendy and Lucy
It’s strange–and yet somehow appropriate–that Michelle Williams would deliver her finest performance in the same year that her former flame (and father of her daughter) Heath Ledger wowed the world as The Joker.  Just imagine how happy that household would have been this month were the two of them still together and, of course, had Ledger not died so young.  Sadly, life is almost never like the movies, so both of their triumphs come weighted with a certain degree of sadness.  But real-world tragedies shouldn’t diminish Williams’ exceptional work in this small, but beautifully observed film about a drifter passing through Oregon with only her dog for company.  Like Benicio Del Toro in Che, she delivers a performance stripped of all artifice to the point where you feel like you are living alongside the character instead of watching her from the comfort of a movie theater.

Here are the guys that kept us laughing, gasping and applauding all year long.

8. James Franco, Pineapple Express
If you had told me two years ago that pretty boy James Franco would deliver one of the best performances I saw in 2008, I would have called you a pot-smoking fool.  Turns out, the joke’s on me, because the star of such wretched drek as Annapolis and Flyboys stepped up to the plate and smashed his role as excessively laid back pot dealer Saul Silver in David Gordon Green’s marijuana-laced comedy out of the park.  Put this together with his strong supporting performance in Milk and an actor I was ready to write off seems to be back in a big way.

7. Chiwetel Ejiofor, Redbelt
Hard to believe that it’s only been six years since British actor Chiwetel Ejiofor burst onto Hollywood’s radar with his star turn in Dirty Pretty Things. Since then, the actor has been on a hot streak, landing memorably roles in such high-profile movies as American Gangster, Talk to Me and Children of Men.  Despite the steady employment, Ejiofor didn’t get another chance at a leading man role until David Mamet tapped him to play the martial arts instructor at the center of his latest thriller.  The movie itself disappoints, but Ejiofor dominates the proceedings with his usual quiet authority.  Let’s hope we don’t have to wait another six years for his next name-above-the-title part.

6. The Cast of In Bruges
I’m cheating a bit here, but all of these actors are in such fine form in Martin McDonagh’s offbeat crime comedy that I just can’t choose between them.  On the one hand, you’ve got a post-rehab Colin Farrell giving what may be the best performance of his career as a novice hitman plagued by guilt over a mission gone wrong.  But you’ve also got ace character actor Brendan Gleeson stealing scenes as a veteran assassin and the usually restrained Ralph Fiennes going positively ape-shit as Farrell and Gleeson’s foul-mouthed boss.  Individually these performances would still be great, but together they are positively brilliant.

5. Javier Bardem, Vicky Christina Barcelona
Playing the lead male character in a Woody Allen film is never an easy task because his actors often feel the need to try and perform the part like Woody would.  Not so Javier Bardem, who brings his own distinct rhythm and charisma to the role of a Spanish artist in the middle of a love quadrangle with three gorgeous women (Rebecca Hall, Scarlett Johansson and his real-live squeeze, Penelope Cruz).  Freed from the stupid haircut and lumbering gait of his No Country for Old Men character, Bardem smolders like an old-fashioned movie star.  Move over George and Brad–I think we’ve got a new candidate for Sexiest Man Alive.

4. Bill Milner and Will Poulter, Son of Rambow
In this post-Dakota Fanning age, it’s increasingly rare to find child actors who can convincingly play actual children, instead of adults in short pants.  That’s why it was a smart decision on writer/director Garth Jennings’ part to cast real kids–and not kid actors–in his hugely enjoyable ode to childhood and filmmaking.  Neither Bill Milner nor Will Poulter had any film credits to their names before landing the starring roles in Son of Rambow and their unforced naturalism is one of the keys to this underappreciated movie’s success.

3. Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man and Tropic Thunder
Few actors have enjoyed as many career second-acts as one-time bad boy Robert Downey Jr. and here’s hoping that his 2008 comeback is the one that finally sticks.  After kicking off the summer movie season in style with his high-flying lead performance as supposedly second-tier superhero Iron Man, he delivered an even stronger turn in Ben Stiller’s Hollywood satire as a method actor so devoted to his work, he actually dyes his skin black to play an African American character.  The latter role could have ruined a lesser actor, but Downey had audiences of all colors laughing.

2. Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
No doubt about it, Heath Ledger’s interpretation of Batman’s longtime nemesis was 2008′s most iconic performance.  In fact, the Aussie actor–who, as everyone knows, died in January–is so mesmerizing, the movie suffers whenever the Joker is offscreen.  It’s the kind of outsized performance that walks the edge of self-parody without ever careening over the side.  Whoever follows in his footsteps as the Dark Knight’s next villain has his some giant-sized clown shoes to fill.

1. Benicio Del Toro, Che
In direct contrast to Ledger’s larger-than-life turn as The Joker, Benicio Del Toro’s star turn in Steven Soderbergh’s four-hour film about Che Guevara provides a master class in the art of understatement.  Offered zero tear-inducing monologues or other showy Oscar-reel moments, the actor nevertheless delivers a career-best performance.  The highest compliment I can pay Del Toro is that you never see him acting as Guevara…he simply becomes him.

Teams and individuals are always looking to stay on top by making a big splash, on or off the field. Here’s the 8 moves from the past year that did the most to assert dominance or cement a legacy—by any means.

8. Coach Drops Pants, Wins Job

Down at halftime of an October game against the shitty Seahawks, San Francisco 49ers interim coach Mike Singletary tried to fire up his team… with a deft, downward pull of his pants. “I used my pants to illustrate that we were getting our tails whipped,” he said. It didn’t quite work—they lost 34-13. However, since the incident, the Niners began beating the teams they’re supposed to (i.e. god-awful St. Louis). As a result, Singletary is about to put pen to paper on a permanent deal.

7. Lakers Decide Kobe Can’t Do It Himself

It took the Lakers’ front office a while (three years, give or take) to realize what everyone already knew (Kobe ain’t MJ), but they finally got him some help. On February 1, Kobe received a replacement Shaq—except Spanish and the occasional pansy. Pau Gasol can ball, though, and his chemistry with Kobe is blossoming—to the point where the Lakers look like the favorites to win the title, after beating the Celtics recently.

6. Manchester City Becomes Rich, Bitch

In Manchester, there’s two big soccer teams: Manchester United, and fugly step-child Manchester City, loved only by those with an acquired taste for under-achievement and Oasis fans. With the ex-Man City owner facing jailtime, Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan of the UAE decided to buy the team for about $300 million, instantly making them the richest club in the world. The Sheikh then bought Brazilian striker Robinho from Real Madrid for $50 million, a British record and a sum which doesn’t even include Robinho’s playing salary.

5. Bron-Bron Doing Bron-Bron

Which means being the third dude ever to be on the cover of Vogue (albeit a kinda racist one), having Hov make diss records for you when bum-ass scrubs (DeShawn Stevenson) wanna step to you, throwing powder all over Weezy F. (he’s dirty anyway) in one of his Nike ads, getting Nicole Scherzinger (she’s bad) all wet in another Nike ad, and continuing to be worshipped in Cleveland though he doesn’t care to be there.

4. Nadal Wins Wimbledon…

It marked the first time Roger Federer, arguably the greatest tennis player ever, was beaten in a Wimbledon final, and thus the reason he eventually lost his world No. 1 ranking—which he held for 237 consecutive weeks—to Nadal. It wasn’t easy for Nadal, considering the battle between the Spaniard and the Swiss was the longest final match ever at Wimbledon, clocking in at right under 5 hours.

3. Phelps Touches Down In Beijing

With the exception of the 4x100m freestyle relay where his homeboy had to save his ass and the equally nerve-wracking 100m butterfly, Michael Phelps won just by showing up.

2. Yankees to Red Sox, Rest of League: “Got Ya, Bitch!”

The Yankees weren’t supposed to spend more after spending $240 million on two pitchers and another $30 million on taxes because they spent $240 million. But then they spent another $180 million on the best free agent available. Why? Because they can. Because “you play to win the game.” Because what every other team calls “unfair” or “ridiculous,” the Yankees call “ruthless commitment.” Catch up.

1. Usain Bolt Quits The 400

The Jamaican sprinter was supposedly too lazy for the long distance. So he asked his coach to run the 100. Phelps may have won the most gold medals, but Bolt started celebrating 60m into his race. And he DJ’d the afterparty.

-Devin Chanda

5. Deitch Project’s “Substraction,” an abstract painting show curated by Nicola Vassell. Nikki, the Director of Deitch Projects (the rock star of NYC galleries), is the subject of GIANT’s Dec/Jan “Celeb Style.”

For #6.

Two thousand and eight was definitely a year of change. African American culture reached an all time high, thanks in part to the 8 GIANTs of ’08 listed here. Check out the movers and shakers who elevated, remixed and redefined “celebrity + style + culture” in ’08.

1. Barack Obama flipped the script on humanity. The first African American President in the United States is “extraordinary.” His integrity, idealism, and fearlessness helped Obama rise above and realize his own dream for a better country….he just happens to be black. Like MLK, Gandhi and JFK, Obama is a leader with grace, conviction and a dream. This is a GIANT step for mankind. Let freedom ring…

2. Jayonce, The Carters, or just J&B. Call them what you want, but Jay-Z (Shawn Carter) and Beyonce Knowles had a GIANT year. First, the hottest rapper and the hottest pop star get secretly married. Then Jay tours the country with Mary J. Blige. Next, Beyonce released the hit single “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” and the rock ‘n’ soul bio pic “Cadillac Records.” They are both scheduled to perform at the Obama Inauguration. Both have clothing deals and other businesses. If that is not enough, Forbes named the duo the riches on their “Hollywood Power Couples List” with earnings of $162 million.

3. Diddy once said: “Can’t stop; won’t stop.” In 2008, he proved that was his mantra. Combs did this: Executive produced and starred in the film adaptation of “Raisin In The Sun”, produced the hit reality TV shows “Making of the Band” and “I Want To Work For Diddy,” the fashion documentary “If I Were King”, held the 10th Anniversary Sean John fashion show with all Black models, released his new Estee Lauder fragrance “I Am King”, promotes Circo Vodka and helped campaign for Obama (with a little help from his friends MJB, Jay Z, and Kevin Liles.) GIANT, indeed.

4. Big Willy!!! Is anybody bigger in Hollywood than Will Smith? Nope! Smith had another amazing year doing what he does best, making movies that people want to see. From “Hancock” which grossed over $624 million world wide and his recent release “Seven Pounds” has recently grossed $16 million in three weeks. What makes him really GIANT is that he’s a positive role model and a family man. Jaden Smith, his son was just taped to play in the remake of “The Karate Kid.” His wife Jada Pinkett-Smith is also pretty hot. Now that’s a leading man or is that a fresh Prince.

5. Witness LeBron James become an icon. The 24 year-old basketball wunderkind turned King James lead the Cleveland Cavaliers to the NBA Eastern Conference only to loose to the Boston Celtics. James then served as Co-Captain of the Team U.S.A. Basketball and helped win the Gold at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics. LeBron made history (and a bit a controversy) when he appeared on the cover of American Vogue with model Giselle Bundchen. He was the first African American man to appear on the publications cover, ever. His LeBron James Family Foundation continues to help single mothers and their kids nationwide. James even hosted a fundraiser for his foundation at Ralph Lauren’s Mansion Flagship in Manhattan in 2008. Oh yeah, and he has that huge deal with Nike, Coke, and Bubblicious. Big things.

6. Southernplaylistics. They always said the South would rise again, but in 2008 the prophecy came true. In fact, if it wasn’t for Southern rap music, hip hip might have had an early retirement. No fears, Lil’ Wayne, T.I., T-Pain, Timbaland and Flo-Rida helped keep hope alive. Weezy sold over a million copies of “Tha Carter III” it’s first week. T.I. stayed at the top of the charts for three months with “Paper Trail.” T-Pain and Flo-Rida had hip hop jams all over the radio, music videos and the Internet. Southern GIANTs keeping it crunk.

7. Tyler Perry is a GIANT. WIth the success of his Madea franchise, Perry, the actor, writer, director, producer, released “The Family That Preys Together” which grossed $129 million and had another successful year with the hit TV series “Tyler Perry’s The House of Payne.” With all that money, Perry opened the first African American owned film studio in the United States (located outside of Atlanta). Among the luminaries to come out and celebrate this historic occasion were Oprah Winfrey, Sindey Portier, Cicely Tyson, Will Smith, Hank Aaron and many others. Now that is the big picture.

8. Rihanna, the native of Barbados, has given “It-Girl” status a whole new meaning in 2008. She re-released her album “Good Girls Gone Bad: Reloaded” and exploded. Collaborations with Maroon 5, T.I. and Justin Timberlake kept Rihanna’s audience broad and wanting more. Creative and dramatic videos by Anthony Mandler like “Disturbia” and “Live Your Life” made her a modern day muse. Her cutting edge style kept her all over the blogs, covers of fashion magazines and the tabloids. Her “secret” relationship with R&B triple threat Chris Brown peaked the media and fan’s alike. Then Rihanna appeared in the new Gucci ad campaign. As she sings: “Take A Bow.”

Cloverfield

Okay, so the movie didn’t really live up to the hype.  Still, you can’t deny that it was the trailer that turned this Blair Witch-style disaster movie into a one-weekend wonder at the box office.  The Internet was abuzz with rumors about the movie ever since this teaser debuted in theaters last summer.  Debate ranged on endlessly over what the film was about, who the monster was and what the title meant.  In fact, this may be one of those rare cases where audiences were more satisfied with the trailer than the movie itself.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

I can only imagine how the pitch session for this sure-to-be-comedy-classic must have gone:

Suit #1: Hey, remember that fat guy from The King of Queens?  Why don’t we make a movie where he’s a cop?
Suit #2: Not just any cop…a mall cop!
Suite #1: Brilliant!  Champagne and hookers on me!

At least Kevin James is pulling in steady residuals for his canceled show.  Because no way in hell is this movie doing his career any favors.

Watchmen

The movie every comic book geek thought could never be made has in fact been made.  And against the odds, it looks pretty damn awesome too.  I still have major reservations about some of the casting decisions director Zack Snyder has made with his adaptation of Alan Moore seminal graphic novel (to say nothing of the overuse of slo-mo in the trailer) but I’ve got to hand it to the guy: it looks like these characters stepped right off the pages of the comic book and onto the big screen.

Marley & Me

I hate to pick on such a cute dog, but could the trailer folks really not find any other footage to advertise this flick apart from Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson chasing their mutt along the beach?  C’mon guys: give us something, anything else because we can see those sorts of shots in a copy of US Weekly…we don’t need to see your movie.

6. Ian Frances’ “Together Forever” at the Kinsey/Desforges Gallery, LA

For post #7.

Friday the 13th
Hey, look guys!  Another unnecessary remake of a classic slasher movie.  Didn’t we learn anything from that Rob Zombie Halloween debacle?

Star Trek
Longtime Star Trek fans are still understandably suspicious about what J.J. Abrams has in store for the franchise in his big-budget relaunch, due out in theaters in May.  Based on this trailer though, it’s obvious that the new Trek will be stuffed with summer-movie style action.  Phasers are fired, ships explode and a very young Kirk and Spock come to blows on the deck of the Enterprise.  More please.

No. 1

Jay Reatard: Singles 06-07 (In the Red)

One nutcase in a Memphis garage re-imagines the aura of four dudes from Queens. Jay Reatard nods generously to the Ramones but slings his Flying V guitar as a loyal student of indie rock’s DIY history. This release of past singles tempers its hectic pace with timeless choruses. Jay coughs up more psychotic pop hooks in an afternoon than most hitmakers can think up in a year. (Too bad they’re pretty much all about how he wants to kill his friends…seriously.)

“My Shadow” (Live)

Check out my #2 pick!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…That would also apply to sexiness. So for all you haters of the original 8 Sexy Ladies of ’08 here is The Remix. Thank you BP Members for your, uh, suggestions. Remember: Sexy is, as sexy does…

Like regular folk, athletes make mistakes. Unlike regular folk, athletes make egregious mistakes we can all laugh hysterically at.  Here’s a rundown of some of the biggest from the past year.

8. Arena Football Scrub Picks Up Freak, Dumb Injury

Doing his best cheerleader impression without tacking on a skirt and shaking some pom-poms, Orlando Predators d-lineman Elton Patterson decided to amp up the crowd by jumping up and down like an idiot.  The only thing he got out of them was laughter as he proceeded to tear his quadriceps during the warm-up.  Maybe it was just a Bill Gramatica impression.

7. Pacman Jones Does His Best Pacman Jones Impression

His delinquency may have peaked in ’07, reaching legendary heights of stupidity, but ’08 wasn’t a complete washout for him.  On October 7th, the Cowboys cornerback got in an alcohol-fueled scuffle with a team-mandated bodyguard, resulting in a 6-game suspension this season (he was suspended all of last season).  According to NFL commish Roger Goodell, any more indiscretions and he’ll pick up a lifetime achievement award ban from the league.

6. Roger Clemens Gets His Day In Court… and Another

After being implicated in December 2007 of steroid use throughout his playing career, Clemens saw his legacy tarnished forever.  Thus, he decided to take his case to Congress to prove that he was in fact clean.  On February 13, Clemens testified that he never told his BFF Andy Pettite that he took steroids, contrary to Pettite’s own testimony.  Congress realized somebody (and by somebody, I mean Clemens) lied and therefore, asked the Department of Justice to investigate Clemens’ testimony.

5. Didier Drogba Bitchslaps A Dude Named Nemanja

The 2008 Champions League Final—the Super Bowl of European club soccer—between Manchester United and Chelsea was tied at one apiece when frustrated Chelsea striker Didier Drogba slapped Man U defender Nemanja Vidic during the 117th minute.  Drogba was given a red card and thus dismissed.  Chelsea went on to lose the match in penalty kicks when the fifth kick resulted in a horrible miss.  The scheduled kicker?  Didier Drogba.  The actual kicker?  Defender John Terry.  Think Shaq at the free throw line with the game on the line.

4. Daunte Culpepper Unretires

Frustrated that neither the Packers, Steelers, nor Chiefs were willing to give him a decent contract, quarterback Daunte Culpepper decided to retire in September… until the Lions came calling in November.  Mainly remembered for being Randy Moss’ shaky supply line in Minnesota, his legacy has taken on a new chapter:  Lions starter for a couple games, benched for the next few, and proud member of the first team to go winless during an entire NFL season.

3. Josh Howard Gives Bad Name To Potheads Everywhere

At an Allen Iverson charity football event in July, Dallas Mavericks forward and All-Star and self-confessed pothead Josh Howard (note: the NBA has drug testing) decided to offer up a soundbyte as the national anthem was being sung in the background: “‘The Star-Spangled Banner” is going on. I don’t celebrate this shit. I’m black.”  He then goes on to give a glowing recommendation for Obama.  Obviously, it was Howard who swung the election in Barack’s favor.

2. Sean Avery Grabs a Headline for Hockey

Dallas Stars’ left wing Sean Avery has dated the likes of Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter and so prior to a December game against the Calgary Flames, Avery decided to approach the waiting media types.  Directing his comments at Flames’ defenseman Dion Phaneuf, current boyfriend of Cuthbert, Avery said, “I am going to say one thing. I am really happy to be back in Calgary. I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it has become a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I do not know what that is about, but enjoy the game.”  Avery thought he was just building hype for a hockey game no one gave a damn about.  The NHL thought he was just being a dick—and suspended him.  And then the Dallas Stars decided to get rid of him permanently.

1.  Plaxico Burress

Because he a) shot himself b) lost his job and c) may lose $27 million and go to jail.

-Devin Chanda

Now that we’re all in the spirit of change, 2009 is a great way to kick it off! As we move forward here are some trends we should leave behind.