Samuel L. Jackson Vs. David Hasselhoff

What? You didn’t watch past the end credits of Ironman to see Samuel L. Jackson make his onscreen debut as S.H.I.EL.D.’s Nick Fury? Well then you probably also missed out on the awful 1998 adaptation starring David Hasselhoff as the one-eyed wonder. With both Jackson and The Hoff having played Fury, we decided to see how the two larger than life actors ranked against each other.

Samuel L. Jackson, 60

Claim to Fame: One of the highest grossing actors in motion picture history, Jackson has acted in over 70 films including Pulp Fiction, the Star Wars prequel trilogy, Juice, Goodfellas, and the starred in the remake of Shaft. He also has the ability to speak very loudly and put curse words in parts of sentences where they don’t belong.

Hits: In the course of his career, Jackson has worked with acclaimed directors including Martin Scorsese, George Lucas and Quentin Tarantino. He’s been an assassin, a Jedi Knight, a hero, a villain and a funny man. Certainly, there are few actors who have Jackson’s range.

How can kill these snakes?

Misses: Let’s see…Snakes on a Plane, One Eight Seven, The Caveman’s Valentine, S.W.A.T., Black Snake Moan, Jumper…. With such as crappy selection of films, it’s obvious that Jackon’s someone who appreciates quantity over quality. And money. He must really appreciate money to appear in these stinkers.

David Hasselhoff, 56

The Man. The Car. The Hoff.

Claim to Fame: Before he ever donned Nick Fury’s eyepatch, The Hoff was already and international sensation. Whether he was behind the wheel of K.I.T.T. in Knight Rider in the 80s or saving swimmers as the male star of the quintessential 90s program Baywatch, Hasselhoff was an American icon.

Hits: Baywatch currently holds the rank as the most watched TV show, ever. When historians on the year 3948 look back the history of television, they will know that for a decade, one man was the medium’s reigning icon.

And that man, was David Hasselhoff.

The personification of a generation.

Misses: When his post-Knight Rider popularity started to dim in the late 80s, Hasselhoff pursued a career in music and earned a number one record in Germany with his song, “Looking for Freedom.” This would have been an amazing feat except for the fact that all German music sucks. Hasselhoff scoring a hit record in Germany is like Paris Hilton giving someone herpes. It’s really not that hard.

Oh yeah, there’s also this:

Winner: Samuel L. Jackson

Sure, Jackson’s hit a few bumps (ok, a lot of bumps) in his career, but there’s no videos of him on Youtube lying in a drunken stupor failing at eating a sandwich.  Who gets so drunk that they can’t eat a sandwich?

Plus, Jackon was a Jedi Knight, motherf*cker.

To see more superhero goodness, check out:

Trailer of the Week 2: Wolverine

The Urban Daily’s Gallery of Black Superheroes