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Reviews of JCVD, The Uninvited and Bride Wars

JCVD
Peace Arch
$20
Blu-ray: $35

Plot: Life imitates art when aging action star Jean-Claude Van Damme becomes a hostage in a Dog Day Afternoon-style bank heist.

Opinion: It’s been a long time since anyone gave a crap about a Jean-Claude Van Damme flick, including Van Damme himself.  And that’s the general premise behind writer/director Mabrouk El Mechri’s JCVD, which casts the actor as a washed-up version of himself, one who is saddled with alimony and child support payments as well as a career that’s well past its prime.  You gotta hand it to Van Damme for allowing El Mechri to draw on so many of his real-life problems (including references to his past alcohol and drug abuse) for the screenplay.  JCVD also pokes fun at other B-movie luminaries, most notably Van Damme’s former rival Steven Segal.  At the end of the day though, a self-aware Jean-Claude Van Damme movie is still just a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, sporting the usual mix of banal dialogue, uneven performances and too-apparent low budget production values.

Bonus Features: Two deleted scenes, a 40-minute behind-the-scenes documentary and a guided video tour of Brussels led by Van Damme.

Verdict: Rent It

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The Uninvited
Paramount
$20
Blu-ray: $30

Plot: Returning to her lakeside home after a stint in a mental institution, a teenager (Emily Browning) is unpleasantly surprised to discover that her daddy (David Strathairn) has shacked up with the super-hot, but possibly crazy nurse (Elizabeth Banks) that cared for her deceased mother in the final months of her life.

Opinion: There are two reasons this remake of the South Korean horror film A Tale of Two Sisters is getting a mild pass for me and their names are Emily Browning and Arielle Kebbel, who plays Browning’s sister in the movie.  These actresses are genuinely talented and their commitment to their severely underwritten roles goes a long way towards making an otherwise by-the-numbers horror entry even remotely entertaining.  I do have to give the filmmakers some credit for introducing a late-inning surprise plot twist that’s actually surprising, but that doesn’t make up for their lackluster direction throughout the rest of the film.

Bonus Features: A making-of featurette, deleted scenes and an alternate ending.

Verdict: Rent It

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Bride Wars
Fox
$30
Blu-ray: $40

Plot: Like the title says, this comedy follows the war that erupts between two best friends turned bridezillas (Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson) after they accidentally book their weddings on the same day.

Opinion: Bride Wars is being billed as a comedy, but I found it to be more of a horror movie.  Speaking purely for myself, I’d willingly spend an afternoon hanging with Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger than another second in the company of Liv (Hudson) and Emma (Hathaway), the unpleasant, borderline psychotic brides-to-be at the center of the film.  As written and performed by the slumming stars, these women seem to have no interests in life beyond the material trappings that have sadly become a major part of the wedding industry.  We’re meant to take pleasure in their repeated attempts at sabotaging each other’s dream ceremony, but it all comes across as petty and sad.  Bride Wars is the kind of movie that could scare you away from ever getting married.

Bonus Features: 3 deleted scenes and a short featurette about wedding dresses that’s really just an extended commercial for Vera Wang.  More extras can be found on the Blu-ray version, including cast improvisations and four additional featurettes.

Verdict: Skip It

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Also on DVD:

With a new Star Trek adventure arriving on big screens in two weeks, a slew of Trek-themed DVDs are headed our way, beginning with the Blu-ray edition of Star Trek: The Original Series: Season One (Paramount, $130), which contains all 29 episodes from Kirk and Spock’s freshman year.  Featurettes and interactive elements abound, including a feature that allows viewers to switch back and forth between original and remastered cuts of the episodes that boast new special effects.  In other summer blockbuster tie-ins, X-Men Vols. 1 and 2. (Disney, $24 each) offer a combined 33 episodes from the fondly remembered mid-’90s animated series.  Reese Witherspoon has left her signature character Elle Woods behind, but the Legally Blonde franchise continues with the direct-to-DVD release Legally Blondes (MGM, $27), which revolves around Elle’s British cousins Izzy and Annie Woods, who make the move from England to SoCal to attend a snooty private school.  Finally, this week’s bad taste award goes to Tribute to Heath Ledger: The Unauthorized Story (Infinity, $15), a 45-minute British-produced documentary about the late actor’s life and short death.  Made up entirely of red-carpet clips or recycled interviews from movie junkets, the film offers no new information or insight into this tragic story.  Pay your repects to Ledger by renting The Dark Knight or Brokeback Mountain instead.