The Epic Fail That Is Adrienne Bailon

Apparently Chester isn’t the only Cheetah that’s downright cheesy.

Former 3LW member and current (though, we’ll see for how long) Cheetah Girl Adrienne Bailon caught the epic fail of manufactured R&B groups when she leaked nude photos of herself to grow her image and as a result got her group dropped from performing at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Who has scheduling issues with one of the most televised annual events? Is there a mall in Toledo that’s going to draw you a bigger crowd? 

I generally don’t pay any attention to what goes on over at the Mickey Mouse club, but when a 25-year-old woman can’t grasp the law of diminishing returns, I feel that it’s my civic duty and ability to access the Internets to drop some science. 

Ahem. 

The law of diminishing returns is an economic concept that states that as more investment in an area is made, overall return on that investment increases at a declining rate, assuming that all variables remain fixed. Or to put it in relative terms that Kanye West-types can understand, the more you do the same thing, the less success you’ll have. As in, the more obscure chicks low on the totem of fame throw up comprising images of themselves on the Interwebs, the less fame you will attain.

However, your level of epic failure will grow exponentially.  

One could argue that Paris Hilton’s night vision sex tape not only made her a household name and allowed MTV to give her a TV show (even after she dropped the N-bomb) and Kim Kardashian’s escapades with Brandy’s little brother literally catapulted her SUV-sized ass into the fame, but let’s not forget that both of them were already wealthy through their desirable surnames.

I Can Has Famous?

If Paris and Kim wanted to become famous, they have the resources to employ them to that level. Releasing sex tapes is just icing on the cake for people who want to know what a socialite is like in bed. Or just another case of adept stupidity. But I digress. 

Then of course there’s that other Disney-bopper Vanessa Hudgens, who had the Internet going nuts with her impromptu nude photo shoot. But she has High School Musical money, so she can buy her way in and out of any scenario. Mickey Mouse probably has a sniper rifle pointed at me right now for even discussing her. Sorry, Micks - I’ll fall back.

The original Cheetah Girl

Which of course makes the whole Cheetah girl (Cheetarah?) conundrum that much more hilarious. You mean to tell me that Disney can’t pony up a few bones to help this girl elevate her singer status from kitten to cougar? 

Thanks to blogs, social networking, and various of means of shameless self promotion, anyone can be famous without having to resort to transparent PR tactics.

*Puts on shades, looks at Tila Tequila. Vomits* 

So take note all you members of obscure R&B groups, fourth-string socialites and D-list celeb-retards.If you want to climb to the top of the fame food chain, drop the tired tactics of leaking pics of your goodies and get your name up there the time tested, old fashioned way -  marry a hit-making record exec.