Madonna and Guy Ritchie Split!

I know that everyone’s totally zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz about this morning’s confirmation of her Madgesty’s impending divorce (except maybe Alex Rodriguez’s scary wife) but this actually makes me sad. I mean, not like stricken but so nostalgic. There’s wild conjecture as to the reason why their almost 8-year marriage dwindled to the point where they were communicating via personal assistant [Can you ask Mr. Ritchie for the THIRD TIME to chew his food in a less SOUL-KILLING manner? Thanks!] but here’s my take. Some people just EAT the marrow out of each other. Madonna knows that her last slew of acrobatically masochistic tours have been received with a resounding “meh,” and now that she’s a half century old she needs to reinvent herself ONE. LAST. TIME. I, and again, this is purely me throwing my opinion into the ring, think all of this can be traced to one source. Ground Zero for the strife is: RocknRolla. Despite my recurrent fantasies of sitting on Gerard Butler’s lap whilst being spoon-fed pudding by Idris Elba this movie is just too big a suck to be even remotely meta-ly associated with.

Now, as an homage to when Madonna wasn’t so eyelid-leadingly dullsville here is my favorite Madge moment.